Walking the Spiral to Expand the Circle

For quite a few months, I felt a longing deep within me. I had difficulty naming it and was unable to describe it. At times, I felt loss and grief. There was even a pang that weighed heavily on my heart and mind. Sometimes it was a wave that washed over me, casting a shadow where I felt the confusing feeling of being lost and alone. Then there was the anger and frustration. What was going on within me that led to such an unexpected eruption? I questioned everything. There was an indescribable emptiness that I felt and it truly confused me. I wasn’t sure why, but it was there inside me and it was very real. It would emerge while I was going about my business with my daily mundane tasks. I felt a sadness or a longing that I couldn’t quite name. It would appear quickly and out of the blue but would linger like a ghost in me. I would call to it, seek it out. I wanted to see if I could uncover a reason for this mysterious specter that would only allow its presence to be known. To my frustration and confusion, there was no response that I was able to understand. No words spoken. No emotions or fears expressed. It was just a silent void that stood before me with roots somewhere within my cavernous soul. I resigned myself to walk beside the familiar stranger that was only available to observe me silently while I had no words to describe exactly what I was experiencing.

At the time, I was going through a very intense course of study where the gates for the deep process of shadow work were opened. I was looking at pieces of myself that I hid for years. During that process, I gently untangled myself from the strangling binds of guilt, fear, shame, voicelessness, and self-hatred. I thought that maybe the work I was doing was part of me that didn’t have a voice yet. Maybe this was part of my shadow and the creation from past scars and trauma. At the end of the course, there was a beautiful integration that birthed a feeling of peace, understanding, and light. I felt the sweet relief of a homecoming back into my skin and soul. However, the unobtainable thread that whispered to me from the void was still present, silent, and out of reach. It stood looming; unwilling or unable to introduce itself to me.

Meditation and council with my guides left me with even more questions than I started with. I thought I still needed time to process all that I had gone through during my class. It was true. There were pieces that were still shedding, being revealed, and integrating with my entire being. I eased myself by resting, taking gentle care of my body and soul, and by moving slowly. I was still getting used to the healing energy and the rebirth that just took place, after all. So, I gave myself the time and space I needed. It felt good to simply be in my own skin. To be open to the energies of love and support was comforting. Then, once again, the pull of the unknown and my unanswered questions called me. What was once unknown began to take shape and form. It stood at an open gate, beckoning me to explore a familiar road once again. Could this be true? Was I supposed to go back and pick up the mantle to lead and create a living circle once again?

It took some time for me to understand what exactly was being revealed. I work with goddesses that will not tell me what to do. It can be frustrating at times, but it is a huge blessing that I would never change. They encourage me to explore my heart and seek out what keeps feeding my fire so it can burn brightly. With their guidance and support, I have been able to cultivate and strengthen my voice and reclaim my sovereignty. With the goddesses by my side, I have been blessed with the courage to go after my dreams and explore my passions. Through this work, they also led me to an amazing group of souls that supported me along my journey. I love them for that, both the Goddesses and the Divine in human form alike. After many hours of journaling, meditating, listening, questioning, and working out my ideas, a decision was made. It was time once again to create a safe community where women can come together and support each other while they open their hearts to heal and embrace their own unique magick. It is important for women to discover who they are, what their calling is, and begin to shine their light in this world authentically.

I did have some reservations to begin the Circle again. What would be the purpose of the Goddess Circle? Beginning in 2015, I led four yearlong Circles of women coming together. We laughed and cried together. We held each other during the painful and messy art of healing. We gathered to raise our voices and forge new paths together, sometimes speaking our inner heartfelt truth for the very first time. It was a blessing to witness each woman enter the circle not knowing what to expect, let alone know where their path would lead them. I was honored to witness such rebirth unfold time after time. The past Circles were designed to empower women so they could find their voice. The constant tug between family, career, and endless responsibilities left many women feeling unfulfilled spiritually. We came together to peel away the labels of society and past experiences by allowing women the space to breathe the spark of life into themselves. As a result, we were able to claim our own voice and gifts, standing in the wisdom of who we are. Knowing how these circles can be so transformative, there was something that I still wasn’t sure of. The world changes so quickly. It is vastly different than where we were for the last circle in 2019. What would be the purpose for the Goddess Circle now? What is calling us to gather at this time?

In these difficult and changing times, I feel we need to go deeper. Yes. The past Circles were empowering and transformative. I see the Circles and the women gathered as a blessing in my life. However, as the times change, we must evolve and change too. Looking out into the world, our society is changing rapidly. What was once a pilar of agreed upon truth is eroding before our eyes. Words have power and meaning, yet what they mean now can be different today depending who you ask. In order to create the beneficial change for ourselves, we must have thoughtful, concise, and deliberate action behind them. Slowly, words like sovereignty, presence, action, evolution, and accountability came forward. I feel that we must take a closer look at our patterns and beliefs in a clearer light to understand who we are. It allows us to rationally ponder where we would like to be. We must practice what we preach in order to strengthen our resolve to heal and clear the old labels and binds that hold us to a structure that no longer serves us. It is helpful to create a practice where we can embody our truth in a healthy way. We must become the beneficial change we seek. Are you ready to step outside your comfort zone to invite the spirit of change and even rebellion into your life? Are you ready to dig deep and look at yourself with honest love and compassion while entering places that you have closed off to yourself? I am.

I walk the winding road through the spiral of the Goddess. Sometimes, it is necessary to look back in order to create a path forward. This is not a regressive act. It is an act of learning and understanding in order to evolve. For me, to walk the path with the Goddess is to walk the path of service. I have had the opportunity to experience so many things beyond my imagination. There is gratitude in my heart for all my experiences, the joyous and painfully difficult alike. I have seen beauty within the light and within the darkness. I have laughed and cried. I have been held by loving souls in order to heal experiences that I couldn’t even speak out loud at one time. Along my path, I have been blessed again and again. In such service, I have been honored to witness the healing of others as they healed their souls. It is time to pick up the mantle once again and walk with others as we create a vibrant and compassionate community of strong and sovereign women. I am humbled to continue the service of lifting others up so they can see their beauty in every angle and light. The Goddess has called once again for her Circle. I hope you will join me as we walk the spiral together and venture deeper into our souls.

To read about the Goddess Circle, please visit my Events page for the full description. If you would like to register, please call ZuZu’s Healing Arts at 781 665-8844. This offering will be over Zoom. As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to email me at thewhisperingcrow@gmail.com

Many blessings to you upon your journey.

Renee Bedard, The Whispering Crow